When my father died in 2021, it was a day I feared long coming since I was a child. I was lucky I got 44 years with him but even as I child, I knew the day would come. In my life, I've been very lucky that I didn't have that much grief to deal with. I already had enough in my mind that I didn't need the weight of that. But now it finally happened, it's a daily war I wage with myself. Most days, I am fine. But there are darker days. Music almost always does it for me. But with the support of my family, we make it through.
It's odd, after he passed, country music has entered my daily play list more often and I feel bad I can't share that with him anymore. He always took the time to listen to the music I always found interesting and never criticized it - well, not that much really. He thought the vocals of Napalm Death were hilarious.
"I'm gonna throw up. Here I go. Blllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaahhhhhh!"
"This next song is callled....Blllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaahhhhhh!!"
15-year-old me would get flustered at this. At 47 now, I get it.
I recently have been helping my mother move out of the house my father died in. They had long moved out of the house they raised my brother and I in. I was sad to see that go. I won't be sorry to see the place they moved to out of my life. I still have moments where I see or hear something funny and think "I need to tell my Dad!" only to realize I can't. The nice thing about it is now I can do it with my older son. Here's my most recent share.
I guess it won't be so bad to be like my Dad. Just hope my boys aren't driven crazy.
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