Led Zeppelin, It Ain't.
It's not hard to walk up to someone and tell them to cheer up or get over it. But what are you really doing when you do that? Is it helping? Is it hurting them more?
I have suffered with depression for just about all my life. In some cases, it is known as the black dog. It has been hard but through medication and therapy, it is kept under control. But it is easy for me to downward spiral on myself when I get upset or mad about something.
When something goes wrong, I tend to blame myself. I can't help it because through most of my life, I have been my own harshest critic. I have an intense fear of being sick or dying. Dealing with grief as I have discussed before has been a nightmare.
To disappoint someone has also been a great fear. My family, friends, work colleagues, even acquaintance, I drive myself mad if I feel I failed someone.
Dealing with being bullied for most of my early teen years was extremely difficult. I ended up with a low self-worth and self-esteem issues. I've never considered myself an "attractive" person because of it. I was pretty awkard as a teen (as many are) but I just felt lost then and didn't know what to do.
Horror movies don't tend to scare me - my mind had already gone to such deep and dark places, that things like gore and things jumping out at you just don't frighten me. Really, a good scary movie is the unknown - that's always what I've found scarier.
One positive is that I suppose I have learned to find the beauty in things that are gloomy or depressing.
I'd rather vacation here than the Bahamas.
One of the things that has also helped me are two of my favorite things - weather and music. Scary weather and violent music have been excellent outlets for me, especially when I was younger. My music tastes have changed (somewhat) since then but I feel most at home when watching weather or being in nature.
This looks like a good place for a picnic.
Dealing with this has helped me focus on the positives in my life - family, fun, work (yes, really) and just enjoying my time here as much as I can. I wallowed in so much darkness, but it took me a long time to figure out that it wasn't helping me. Some days can be more of a struggle than others. But with my family, I truly feel appreciated and loved. My parents helped me such much when I was younger and today, my own family and friends do so much for me. Just their mere existence makes me better.
For anyone else? There is always hope. You are never truly alone, and you matter. Get help. Admitting my issues and then getting help are difficult but it's okay. And it will get better.
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